awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
