he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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