Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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