As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
