you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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