is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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