you guys were way drunker than both of me
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
