He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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