just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
