some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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