Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
