By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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