You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
he laminated a picture of his dick.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
