my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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