She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Randomize
