I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
My feet surprised me
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize