forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
