"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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