Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
