i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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