so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
