Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
