i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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