Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
