I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
