i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
