I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
