Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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