Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
