I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
