Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
