I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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