Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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