I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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