there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
