My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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