i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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