it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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