i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
