My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
