i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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