Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
