i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
