Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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