Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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