So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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