Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
