Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
