I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
