This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
