Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
